yeaaaa

just secretly pissed as all. nuff said.

left out

sooooooooo it's not that I don't have friends. But everyday at school I'm always with the same group of people. I consider them as family. But recently I feel like they are avoiding me and it really really really hurts.

Among all of the things I don't like being left out is number one. yeah it's a small thing. But when I feel left out I feel that I'm losing friends, family. Specially recently, I don't even know what they talk about anymore. And it's painful. 

Yeah, I leave them sometimes to see my "special friend". But after seeing him I want to be welcomed back like I was never gone. And now I think that they hate me or something. Even if they say they don't. I get paranoid and think that they do. And they're making plans on going out without telling me. AND IT'S EXTREMELY PAINFUL THINKING THAT THE PEOPLE THAT YOU CONSIDER AS FAMILY IS LEAVING YOU OUT OF THINGS.

I Hope that they don't hate me. But we can't always get what we want. so yeah. I hope this works out. 

#17

#185 Write names of ten things that you like to eat.

I LOVE FOOD. It's as simple as that. I don't care that I'm fat or whatever. Seriously How can people not love eating. The sensation of eating can't be compared to anything else! So here's a list of things that I love to eat.

1. Cake - Especially moist chocolate cake. Dry cakes feel like like sand when you eat them.

2. Brownies - Fudgy, chewy and with chocolate ships or almonds are really the perfect combination.

3. Pizza -  Either juicy bacon and cheese or all meat.

4. Cookies - From chocolate chip , Oreos , or my aunt's home made cookies.

5. Burgers - Pure beef with ketchup. On bread or on rice, it's like heaven in your mouth.

6. Potato chips - Plain salted only. I don't enjoy it as much if it has a weird seasoning.

7. Dim sum - Shrimp dumplings dipped in soy sauce or pork siomai with chili. It's just amazing.

8. Pasta - Any pasta with any sauce can go well together.

9. Sushi - rice with raw fish wrapped in seaweed, dipped in kikkoman and wasabi. IS JUST SO DELICIOUS.

10. Fried chicken - Amazing comfort food! Moist, juicy chicken in a blend of spices deep fried to golden perfection!

Now, I'm hungry and I'll probably eat after this. But these are just the food that I can name on the top of my head. I'm not picky with food, so anything can make me happy!

#16

114. Write about a time you performed in front of an audience.

I enjoy acting. Being able to be a different person on stage makes me happy. During my first term in college I was in a play entitled "7" bu Venece Dingal.

I was a corrupt business woman named Ingrid Adolfo. My character ruined a lot of lives because of my corruption and I ended up going to hell for it. It's really fun being that character and not at the same time. Since it hard to play a business woman, they are boring. Just stand around and count money.

I wasn't able to show my full potential, since my character is really boring. But luckily the audience was supportive enough. The feeling of being watched by a group of people that don't know the real you is amazing. They only know you as your character. I just love the mystery.

Hopefully I can be in the next play and show my full potential. And the world would know me as 'that crazy girl' or the 'slutty girl' rather than just Michelle.

#15

116. Write about a disappointment

A couple of a weeks ago, it was SOMA week. And we had to make a float for one subject. Not that I'm bragging, but I placed my blood sweat and tears onto out float. And all of my efforts was just wasted.

We are 14 in our group. 6 of them were contestants in the SOMA pageant. And 7 of them were in the production team, including me. During the first few weeks we had o progress whatsoever. The base keeps on breaking, there were only ideas and no work it was a total mess. We only started 1 week before the parade. 1 WEEK. And all of the other members were either in a photo shoot or making the stage for the pageant.

I know that if I went with them we wouldn't even have a float for the parade. Plus there had to be a presentation. So more stress for me. Monday was our first day, we had to start on the alien of our float. WE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE ANY MATERIALS. So I had to look for scrap wood in basement. And luckily I found a long piece of plastic that was around 7ft  high. On that day we were able to finish the skeleton of the alien. But I wasn't satisfied my groupmates wanted to go home. But I didn't want to. I took a yard of chicken wire and started to mold the alien. I got a butt load of cuts from even cutting the wire. Honestly, if I hadn't started, we wouldn't have able to finish it on time.

Another thing was, my groupmates worked really slow. On the days that they helped, it took LONGER to even finish a certain component. I could have finished it in 1 hour and it takes them 3! and 3-4 people would be helping them. REALLY? It would take a person 3 hours to paper mache a triangle. Most of the week it would be just the 2 of us, me and paolo. Working on the float and we made more progress than any of them.

But at least we were able to finish our float on time.

IT DOES NOT STOP THERE. The biggest pain on my chest is that we didn't win. Compared to the other sections, our float was amazing. Really most of them were crap.

All of my blood, sweat and tear went on to that float. And the janitors and guards just broke them like it was nothing. I literally cried more than 10 times that week. I have never felt such pain and disappointment.

#14

29. How I can earn money

I'm too young for a job. Some working areas need a college degree. And I really want a DSLR but my parents wont buy me one.

Just awesome. I know people say that having a job isn't fun. But I really need money. So, with the help of my awesome father. He gives me hosting gigs. It's just minor shows like childrens' parties. It's better than nothing.

Another job that I do is being santa's helper. Which is basically, I carry a bag of candy and do crowd control. Sadly it's only a seasonal thing so I can only do it for like 2 weeks.

And it is impossible to sell my artwork. Since not everybody likes them. So I try to sell bracelets and stationary when I can.

It's annoying that I cant work a proper paying job. Even for the summer. And I really don't want to work at a fast food chain. So this is only thing that I can do. And hopefully I earn enough to get a DSLR.

#13

44. My plans for summer

In 2 weeks it'll finally be our summer break. FINALLY. We've been waiting for sooo long. Especially this has been the most stressful term ever. Here's what we've done so far :

1. Business letters

2. Float 

3. Float presentation

4.Paintings

5. Research Paper

6. SOMA Week

7. SOMA pageant production team

8. Fliers

9. blogs

10. Speeches 

Seriously, who would not want a break from all of that. Plus, we still have a speech choir, and I still have my ignite speech. Also we still have to make brochures and there are still a bunch of quizzes. 

So, I really cant wait for summer! 

Before, when I was in high school. My summer days would be watching anime dvd's, since we didn't have any cable back then. And eat. One time I even went to an art workshop. Which was awesome. 

So for the first week. I'll be getting my sleep. I have experienced 2-3 days of little to no sleep and I just want to get them back. I also want to practice my painting skills, I'd like to experiment with water colors and try to get better with oil paint. And maybe draw, since I was never good at it.

Then for the next few weeks I want to send some time with my little brother. Ever since I got in college I haven't been able to spend time with him that much. Before we used to cook meals together and watch family guy at night. Those days were the best. I really love my lil bro.

More or less i really just want to rest. I don't like going to different places, since the travel sucks. I get motion sickness. And I don't want to go swimming, because I don't want to get dark. I hate tan lines. It takes forever to get the original skin color back. 

But for now I'll finish my requirements. So I can get this stress off my back. SUMMER 2013 here I come!

#12 black sheep =_=

#145 write about being a misfit

I've noticed that I can't really 'blend in' well. When I was a kid I was the quite weird one. I was quiet because I couldn't find a person who has the same interests as me. Other kids would talk about local T.V shows and celebrities. But I didn't know any local shows cause I watched American T.V shows, like scrubs, f.r.i.e.n.d.s and family guy. And the other kids will think that it was weird. Admit-tingly I am weird. Being normal is boring. I like the color black, almost all of my clothes are black or a dark color. I love alternative rock. My favorite movie is Alice in wonderland, the one with Johnny Depp. And I LOVE FAMILY GUY. I guess with that combination my personality is pretty unstable. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm still human.

Pretty much my whole existence, a lot of people seem to hate me. I don't really mind that if there was a valid reason. But the fact that a person would hate me because I did nothing at all is really hurting. Honestly it's hard not being accepted by others. When I was a kid I really tried to make friends, but I just couldn't. People really think that I'm THAT weird. Even when I was in high school, a girl got mad at me. In my defense I really didn't do anything bad to her and she made the whole class mad at me, even my own best friend. When I tried to apologize they got even madder, they said that I was a 'feeler' and bullied me even more. At that time I was really a mess, I couldn't tell my family because I was afraid that they would judge me and do the same thing. But they did and even my own family couldn't understand me. They didn't even try. At that time I was doing bad things to my family. Honestly I didn't know why. I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW WHY I WAS DOING BAD THINGS. Even if I told them that. They didn't seek for professional help for me. Or even ask me what was going on with my life. Until now, they still cant accept me.

Until today I still hold grudges on the people that bullied me. And I believe that their bullying forced me to become bad without me even noticing it. Now I owe my family for not kicking me out and I'm really grateful to them. I still can't be accepted by people. But through time I cared less about them. And believe that I'll have revenge.




my message to the people
Also,  TO THE GIRL THAT MADE MY ENTIRE 2nd YEAR IN HIGHSCHOOL A LIVING HELL, FUCK YOU. YOU ADOPTED  MOTHER FUCKING SON OF A BITCH AND TO THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED HER, I HOPE YOU HAVE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH.




I'm so mean. =(

#11

#83. who is the person in history that you would most like to meet and talk to? why? what would you ask?


To start this off, I AM NOT A RELIGIOUS PERSON. I guess that clears up what I'm going to say next. Given this chance, I would like to meet, the one and only? Jesus Christ. Technically he is in history. I

BUT, by meeting him, won't it clear up all the religious wars, debates and stuff?. If I do get to meet him I would like to know if he is real. Or just a fictional character of the 'Bible'. By proving that he is real or not, it'll clear up everything and make the world a much easier place to live in. So it's a win-win situation.

I'd probably ask him if he wanted the Bible to be written. Since the Bible was written by soooo many people there is no certainty that it is all true. As a person you wouldn't want people to mess up what you're really saying, right? then isn't it the same for Jesus?.

Yeah, if I meet Jesus, I'll just ask him that and probably if drugs were already invented at that time.

#10 anger.

89. Tell about what triggers anger in you.

In general I don't get angry a lot. I get irritated. But once I snap. I shout. Throw stuff and cry.

The time when I get angry is usually when I'm tired. Like if some one asks me to do something when I'm tired and sleepy. I turn into a bitch. Also when people shout at me. If it was my fault then it's okay. But when I know that I'm right and they keep on pushing their argument against me. I snap, then shout, then throw stuff and cry in the end.

In my previous blog, I mentioned that my ride home is unpleasant. At one time I actually shouted and almost lost it there. Among all of the things that I get angry at it's usually the MRT. yeah. It is just that bad in there.
Especially when people are rude. Like trying to push themselves.

Another thing that makes my blood boil is people. Generally people are worthless, selfish , greedy. Really just horrible. Especially when they like to talk about other people or when they just focus on one side and look at things in a monochromatic way. Just one dimension. It gets me really angry, because they judge without knowing. Yeah I understand that it can't be helped. But can you at least get to know them first?

More or less that what usually gets me angry. But really it's just normal things.

#9 Poem?

The pain of my feet kills me
not being able to walk on the asphalt floor
heat going through my body
my blood boiling

there was a time when this was the least of my problems
the time when everything was right
the time when my parents were still together
the time when our future was bright

But time runs without looking back
and falls into a hole of no return

My feet hurt gradually
time was running too fast
I can't catch up

My whole body ached
the pain of running from place to place
finally affected my body
not being able to find comfort brings tears to my eyes

Broken, worn out and useless
were the only things I thought of
and there was no way out
my ancestors have brought this upon me

What did I do to deserve this?
why am I cursed?

Nothing gave comfort
Only scars
wounds on my feet and a broken heart
the thought of being left behind scares me

the pain of my feet continues on till this day
still no comfort

Unfortunately there is no way of escaping
this was given to me until I die
I bring this to a place where I wish there is no more pain and scars
and filled with freedom of walking again


~ So, yeah. It's actually about having big feet.

#8 things that make me happy

80. Write a list of at least 20 things that make you happy

There is a lot of things that make me happy. Here's a list of thing of what makes me happy:

1.FOOD - I know it's a necessity and stuff. But when I'm sad food is just there.

2.CARTOONS - Because it brings be back to my childhood.

3. MY DAD - Because he helps me with school work and listens me.

4. MY BROTHER - Because he is just awesome.

5. MY MOM - Her hardworking attitude really motivates me.

6. MY lil' BROTHER - He is just one very sweet, special and happy little boy.

7. MY BLOCK ABMA 123 - When with them, it just feels like one big happy family! Just amazing people!

8. H.S friends - the people that made an effort during highschool.

9. ICE CREAM - Words cannot explain how much this makes me happy.

10. CAKE - Again, words cannot explain how much this makes me happy.

11. MUSIC - It is just really relaxing.

12. ART - It helps me express myself.

13. INTERNET - The world where dreams come true.

14. CANDY - My comfort food. (explains why I'm so fat)

15. PAPER - It's nice to know that paper is always on your side!

16. FAMILY GUY - My life source.

17. MUSICALS - My other passion.

18. PUBLIC SPEAKING - Just because my confidence on stage is way different than my normal self.

19. COLORS - Being able to see amazing colors really lightens my mood.

20. IMAGINATION - A world where I could be myself.

Well that's all of it. Usually people put trivial stuff there. But I'm not usual.

#7 the amazing people of the MRT

7. describe your ride home.

In a nutshell. My ride home consist of: jeepney, MRT , jeepney. It may not seem much. But it's actually a 45 min - 1 hour ride. The longest part is the MRT ride. Not only it's the longest but also it's the most stressful part.

The first jeepney is around 15 min. If there's no traffic. Just a normal rid to the MRT station. Now the MRT station. Usually if everything goes well it's just 20 mins or less. BUT if it breaks down, or the line is too long OR when it's rush hour. I'm screwed. the usual 20 min ride turns into an hour or more. And it's not just that. the people, especially the girls. Are freaking crazy and always in a rush. I understand that you're rushing. But could you please wait for the people to get out first, before you ride? It really makes no sense running in the cart and not let the people get out. But it's not just that there are those people who cut in the line of the waiting area. FOR CHRIST'S SAKE THERE IS A LINE! I'd understand if there was only 2-3 people. But sometimes it's a line of 10 and the cut in. 

Also, in the girls area. That area may seem nice. But I tell you that almost every one of those 'female passengers'. Are in fact bitches. Really. They look at you like you're a killer. Snarl at you if you loose your balance. There is only a handful of nice girls in there. Now comparing to the 'normal' carts. The ones with guys. WHY DO YOU FORCE YOURSELF IN THE CARTS?!?! if, you just wait a little bit. just a little. I tell you that the flow of the MRT will be faster and that it'll be easier to ride. BUT NOOOOO, they have force their stinky, sweaty bodies inside an air conditioned cart and fill it up with a stench that it smells worst than rotten garbage.

I'll stop now. It's because I might turn unto the hulk and smash the MRT out of rage and won't be able to go to school tomorrow. And here's a message to the cranky, bitchy and selfish people in the MRT:

                                 

#6 my inspiration

Who is the person alive today that you would most like to meet and talk to?

I've been drawing ever since I was a kid. Not good at it. But it's okay, I think I'm improving. When I found out that you can take animation in college. I freaked out. Mostly because I watch A LOT of cartoons and anime. If you asked me what I did when I was a kid I'd say 'cartoons'.

But even if I did wanted to take up animation. I was skeptical about it. There was no inspiration. No source of hope of me passing. Until one day I watched season 1-6 of family guy. I got hooked. I did a lot of research on it. and I came across this guy:

Seth Woodbury Macfarlane. The one and only creator of Family Guy. When I found out that he was able to get his own primetime T.V show at the very young age of 24 I told myself that I wanted to be like him. He is my source of inspiration.

 Given the chance I'd like to ask him ' Where did you get the idea of Family guy? '. Also ' how is it humanly possible that you could do that many range of voices?!'. Really, just those two questions. It keeps on coming into my brain every time I watch an episode of family guy. Which is on it'e 12 season now. Such a successful show with such a weird plot. It's filled with profanity, babies wanting to kill their mothers, an unloving father, an alcoholic dog, and a sex crazed teen son. So weird and yet, how was he able to come up with that?

 Though when the time actually comes I'll probably just freak out and tell him that I love him. But that will probably the only questions that I'd ask him.

#5 wants

write about something you desperately wanted when you were a kid.

Remember that kid in the classroom  who usually freaks you out? The one who does the weirdest things and yet is really quiet? yeah. I remember that . I was that that kid.

We all wanted something when we were young. Toys, Trips, candy, and etc. For most girls it was a Barbie. An anorexic blonde with different accessories. Yeah, and they called me weird. For boys it was things like Lego or hot wheels. The kind of toys that when they leave on the floor you accidentally step on it. And it feels like the devil's poked.

Like I said, I'm weird. And since I was weird ever since I was a kid then, I wanted different stuff...

Though the occasional ' wanting for toys ' came and go. Still it didn't really feel right. Things like Barbies weren't really the thing for me. I wanted crayons, oil pastels, coloring books and stuff like that. I always wanted art supplies. And I couldn't stop. I kept on asking for more since I always used them. And I'd get jealous with the other kids cause their parents gave them that full art kit. The ones with the cheap materials that don't even work. Of course I was just a kid and quality does't matter. But I wanted one nonetheless. Eventually, I got one. I was around 6 years old and it was Christmas. All of my relatives gave me one. ALL OF THEM. So, I got like 10 art kits. I was really happy. I finally got what I really wanted. But there was one problem that time. THERE WAS NO PAPER. 10 art kits and no one thought of giving me paper. maybe they expected me to draw on the walls or something.


                          

I'm no longer a child. But I still want art materials. For recreational use. It's really just something that I cant't get over. Was there something that you wanted when you were a kid? did you get it?

#4 When it's boring

Boring class? teachers voice sounds like a lulu-by? doze of into your own world. But not in the way of sleeping. But in the way of finding your own reality. Daydreaming. A really fun way of passing the time.

Your imagination on the loose and just running wild. Anything can happen in a daydream. You could be fighting an untamed lion or swimming with the mermaids. Really anything.

Usually when I daydream it's before i sleep. You know that fine line before sleeping and sleeping? I always had a hard time passing that line. So I daydream. I like to think of it as a train ride to sleepville. Weird? yeah it is. But scientists say that we, humans, usually think of something impossible before we sleep. So if you're thinking about the person you like then you fall asleep. Then it must be impossible. Nah, just kidding. 

But seriously, I believe that daydreaming is very healthy. Especially when you are doing nothing. It keeps the brain active, you feel refreshed afterwards. You also get to let out how you think about situations before hand. The only problem about daydreaming is that if we do it during an important boring lecture. We don't listen and just dream. Which is probably the reason why a lot of students fail.

At the right times. Daydreaming is really fun and exciting. I suggest that think of where you are first and make sure that it's not during an important lecture! 

#3 what would you wish for?

If you had three wishes, what would they be?

 Genies, Fairies, and  magical creatures that grants wishes. A childhood dream that we all had. The possibility of having anything in the world. No rules, no tricks, all real. What would you wish for if you had the chance?

If I had that chance. First i would wish for my family to be happy and at peace. My family isn't really "together" because of arguments and misunderstandings. Though we are close. No family is perfect but I would just want the material things to be less of an issue to any family. Especially mine.

Usually people would just wish for money. But I would wish for something that could be good in both ways. I would wish that the earth would be back to it's healthy state, that nothing can harm it and that everybody would know that it was me that saved the earth with out asking why. Under this case, I would be rich because of the publicity that I'll get. The earth would be saved and everyone wouldn't worry about the planet dying.

The third wish. The wish that puts the most pressure, after that everything is done. No turning backs. Under the circumstances of no rules, what would you wish for? power? fame? Since there is no rules to this. I would really just ask for more wishes. I know it's greedy. But think about it, this is once in a life time opportunity! I wouldn't be stupid enough to throw it away. But I won't keep it all to myself. I'd use the extra wishes to cure diseases. End world hunger. Wish for proper values and just try to make the world a better place. Not perfect but less problems.

Wishes are very tempting and can create problems. But given the chance, what would you wish for? What kind of world would you create with this opportunity? 

#2 Alone

alone.

Being alone, no one there for you. Lost in a world that people can't understand. A feeling so painful that some can't even bear it and some can't live with it.

We've all felt this. Even if you're surrounded by friends and family there will always be this feeling of pain. At one point of your life there will always be that one person. That person will tell you that "you are not alone" though it may not be real, in a way it comforts you. A comforting feeling of possibility. But not a feeling of assurance. 

It's no fun feeling alone. We know that. As of now I'm feeling alone, even with great effort it's hard to escape. But just because you feel alone it doesn't really mean that you are. Think about it. If everybody feels alone then it means that you know how that person feels, and you can relate to them on that part. Thus you have created a bond. Though it was made from a foundation of loneliness, it may be brittle. But at least you have someone who could be there for you.

We shouldn't be so pessimistic. Yes, it feels painful to be alone. But that isn't a proper reason why you hurt yourself. Loneliness is a temporary thing and there are reasons why we feel it. It may take some time, but it'll be worth it in the end.

#1 What we all had

Fears I used to have.

 Ever been scared? afraid of anything? We all have. Fears are normal, especially for kids. All of us have fears, fear of the dark, heights and etc. But have you experienced overcoming one? getting rid of the feeling of being scared? well I'll tell you my story of how I did.

Like normal children I was too, scared of the dark. In the dark, there is the unknown, wild images pop in my head every time my parents turn off the lights. The idea of monsters and, ghouls chasing me was the most frightening part. But even though I was there when they turned off the lights, I knew what the room looked like. I know what's under my bed. I know that there is no such thing as monsters... but why? 

It is normal for the imagination to run wild, but I guess after watching sooooo many cartoons made my imagination TOO wild. Until one day, my brother noticed that I was scared of the dark. He asked me why. I told him that " I don't know " . Because there was no physical evidence as to why i was scared. Then he said " You know there's nothing there ". And after that I wasn't as scared as i used to be. Sense finally went into my brain and from that point on I wasn't scared anymore.

We all have that one fear, it may be falling, drowning or, just like me, the dark. But think about it. Is it really possible? Will it really happen? Once you set you mind to it, you can over come you fears.